Everything that I have learned about fatherhood thus far I have learned through my father. As I look back, I’ve realize that my father taught me how to stay when it was so much easier to leave. My father taught me the importance of being at every recital, every award ceremony, every game, and every life milestone that my children embark on. He also taught me how to be a team with the mother of my beautiful children.
You may think, “Man! Those are some awesome lessons, I wish I had had someone there to teach me those things!” But to be completely honest with you, my father was rarely in the picture. My parents divorced when I was really young, and my father moved two and a half hours away and created another life there. But I did in fact learn every single one of those lessons from him as stated above. When my wife became pregnant with our London Victoria I decided at that very moment I was going to do everything completely opposite than what he did when “fathering” me.
Now, don’t get it twisted. This post isn’t about how he wasn’t/ isn’t there. I love my father. However, too often we as men use the excuse of not having a physical father as a justification for why we are not in the lives of our own children. The one’s that we created. We blame the relationship with the mother as to why we don’t come around. We allow OUR past to handicap THEIR future, while fully knowing the sting of growing up fatherless ourselves.
So how does a Father, Father while being Fatherless. The very first step is to forgive your earthly father and understand that your Father in Heaven gave you His word that 1. He would NEVER leave you, nor forsake you (Deut 31:6), and 2. That He is a father to the fatherless (Psalm 68:5). When your earthly father is not there to instruct and direct you must learn how to lean and depend on the guidance and direction of your heavenly father. Next, you must look within and ask yourself if you want your children to experience the same emptiness that you yourself felt. We as men, have such an influence on our children, and I believe that if we are going to see change in our homes, schools, communities, cities, states, nations, and even the world, it all starts with men looking beyond their own hurts and voids, and deciding to take on the task of being fathers once again.