I Was The Strong Friend. I Am Now The Weak Friend.

Ok, here we go…

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One of my weakest attributes is being vulnerable. The thought of displaying my feelings and emotions is one of the most scariest things for me to do. But I’m also realizing that being the “strong and tough friend” is always not fun. It’s actually extremely exhausting and I’m tired of feeling like I have to be this way.

Over the weekend a couple of my girlfriends from college, who have now turned into real-life sisters, got together for a much needed impromptu girls night. Pajamas on, makeup off, cuddled up on one sofa had us all feeling like we were back in college again. Except there were car seats, diaper bags and kids running around this time, which brought us back to reality. Quickly!

During our conversation one of my girlfriends began to open up about some of the things she’s been going through. She spoke of the rough times of her current season of life and the good. The uncertainty of her thoughts and the virtue of her future. Tears began to fall down her cheeks as she allowed us into her heart. We sat there and listened quietly, but eager to pick up every hurt that she spoke of with our words of encouragement.

What my friend was doing was something that i’ve been needing to do desperately. Learn the art of letting go. But in so many instances I would stop myself because…

  1. Pride - let’s just be completely honest.

  2. I was the “strong and tough friend”. What does the “strong and tough friend” look like breaking down in front of others?!

  3. I was terrified of what people would think of me which all stems back to… PRIDE!

God showed me that displaying weakness in a moment of need doesn’t mean you’re not strong. Actually, it’s the very opposite. It takes a very strong person to share their weakness and allow someone in. If you look at it, it’s very easy to bottle up emotions and to go on with your day as if nothing is wrong. However, It takes courage to stop, acknowledge what you are feeling and to tell someone “Hey, I’m feeling sad or upset” or “I need help. Do you mind if I share my emotions with you”?

As I sat there and watch my friend open up to us, all I could see was how strong she was/is and knew if she could do it then so could I.

Therefore, I want to share 3 ways I am helping myself to become more vulnerable with others and if you’re anything like me, then this is for you too.

  1. First Thing Is First: Accept That We Are Worthy

    If this is your first time reading my blog then you must know that I believe in Jesus. Now if you’ve been here before then you already know that I absolutely adore Him and one of the many reasons why I love Him so much is because He loves us so much. More than we can ever imagine. When He created us He created us with purpose. As a result we must recognize our WORTH. Regardless of how weak it may look for us to lean on someone else’s shoulder, we are filled with great worth.

  2. Accountability

    When I am going through a rough patch, most times I don’t like talking about it right then and there. However, deep down inside I know I really need to talk to someone because I know I will feel much better afterward. So, now I will text a friend while I am down, upset, or sad and say “Hey, I need to talk to you about something that I am going through but can you give me about a hour?” By reaching out to a friend, I am able to gather my thoughts and really resonate with why I am feeling a certain emotion. Sometimes I want to run away from my emotions but my accountability-partner friends always remind me that hey, there’s something on your mind that you need to discuss. So, if your friends are anything like my friends they won’t let you get off the hook until you tell them whats going on with you.

  3. Use Your Friends

    My Bestfriend always screams at me when I don’t come to her when i’m dealing with something tough. She tells me that it’s not fair for her to always come to me when she’s dealing with something but I don’t come to her when I am in need and she’s absolutely right. If I call you my friend then I should be able to come to you with whatever. So for all us “strong and tough” people it’s time for us to start pulling on the people that we trust and love. They’re here for us and waiting and wanting for us to use them.

Being vulnerable isn’t weak. Bottling up your emotions is.

What happens when people open their hearts?
They get better.
— Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood